CRISTINA ROSE 0:10
Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. And today I have that net, a divorce and life transition coach. She specializes in guiding women through the complexities of divorce, and helping them rebuild their lives with strength and resilience. Thank you so much for coming on. I can’t wait to dive into the topic today. I know. You know, I had gone through a divorce myself, and it’s been about over a year now. And you know, I still feel like, I’m mourning the loss of that. You know, so what are some practical, you know, steps women can take to regain their financial independence after divorce, or maybe even just kind of work through those feelings of guilt? I know there are two separate two separate things finance and then the emotion part. But let’s dive into those.
NANETTE MURPHY 1:00
For sure. Well, I’ll dive into finances first. You’ve just been through it, you know that it’s challenging not only on a legal level, an emotional level, but then there’s really the bulk of it is, especially for women is the financial level, I really like to tell women that the best time to prepare is before your divorce. Yeah, but in that first in that first year, when you are, I always call it suddenly single. My biggest advice, and this is something I did, and I did I divorced when I was later in life, I was over 50. And I think your life is on a one trajectory, and it’s goes to another. But a financial adviser is so important to someone that you can bounce ideas off of, they can give you advice on investing. But one of the things too, is put away your credit cards for a minute. truly learn in that first year, what your new spending is like, yeah, because, yeah, it’s completely different. And you may have, hopefully, before you’ve divorced, you figured out what your expenses are and your budgeting. But sometimes that credit card can get you in a lot of trouble. Yeah. And also, one of the thing is, even if you divorce, even women that are divorcing, and high net worth, they can get out of control. So you really have to be have great knowledge about what your worth is.
CRISTINA ROSE 2:42
What your worth is, especially after someone leaving, you know, with the high net worth, or something, you know, is a transitional change. And I know that’s something for me, you know, I, I had to transition with that too, you know, I was a stay at home mom, it’s like, Okay, now what I’m going to do for work, you know, I’m a full time mom. So I’m like, Hey, like, what resources do I have, like, Okay, I’m gonna get into real estate, you know, here in Nevada, like, you know, worked really hard to do that. So I can provide, you know, life for my family and something that I can work towards and feel financially, you know, independent and in control, you know, and it’s important to, you know, kind of have a little bit of a plan before you leave, you know, especially if you’ve been a stay at home mom, like, you know, the majority of your marriage and haven’t really been able to, like make the financial means that you may be used to before you write or whatever. So, right. And I think it’s important, you know, I think maybe one thing that would have been more smart for me is having the financial planner, but you’re talking about because ,I’m not the best, you know, I manage? Yeah, exactly. Live and learn. And I don’t want to learn the hard way with that, you know, maybe like a little bump Well, right.
NANETTE MURPHY 3:56
And that’s just it. When a woman can prepare and that’s always why you know, they say that you’re like your first hire is not an attorney. And I’m the more I do this, the more I’m like so adamant, absolutely, you need your attorney, but you need a coach to get you kind of set up for what you need to do next. Yeah. And that next hire to me, for me is always a financial adviser. Because they can give you your the your best, the best advice for you in your financial situation. And there’s a lot of there’s a lot of women that they’re not working some women, unfortunately don’t even have credit cards in their own names. Yeah, their house isn’t in their name. So these are things that they need to and women need to make sure that they get an order beforehand.
CRISTINA ROSE 4:50
Yeah, exactly. I mean, I was one that didn’t have a house in my name, you know, and that was one of the reasons I wanted to be a team you know, like, I work hard, you know for the Chilean Drain and like, you know, I’m sacrificing so much. And it’s like, anyway, but parents you need the addicted Child A Parent’s Guide to adolescent substance abuse by Richard Capriola, it’s a must have for understanding teen substance use and learning the warning signs every parent should know the addicted child, a parent’s guide to adolescent substance abuse by Richard cabriolet. And here’s the kicker, Richard spills, the beans on explaining substance used by today’s adolescents and how drugs work in the teen brain. He’s even included important warning signs for self harm, and eating disorders and how to find the right help for your team. And the best part is, you’re getting all of these mind blowing insights without breaking the bank. If you’re a parent, or know someone who is this book is going to be your secret weapon, Kindle or paperback grab your copy on Amazon or go to help the addicted child.com The sites in this book are pure gold, and spread the word share the love and let’s empower ourselves with knowledge. Yes. You know, and then like, obviously, like during the process of going through divorce, you know, could be you know, struggling? Like, could you share some advice on setting boundaries and, you know, practicing like self care and kind of going back to that not feeling guilty stuff and the emotion part, you know, during the process, you know, of rebuilding their life after the divorce.
NANETTE MURPHY 6:30
Absolutely. You know, with my clients, that’s something I really focus on is their self care and setting boundaries. And setting boundaries can be from your ex husband, to friends to family, that you will do things in your own time when it feels right for you. And self care, goes from taking 10 minutes of just unwinding and breathing, to maybe setting aside to go for a walk, go to the gym, go to lunch with friends. I’m a big advocate of essential oils, meditation, prayer, whatever you want to call it. I’m a big advocate of mantras when you’re when you’re when you’re not thinking clearly and you can’t seem to get rid of that brain fog. You’ve been divorced. You know what that’s like? Yeah. When you’re not thinking clearly, and nothing seems to make sense.
CRISTINA ROSE 7:33
I might lay low as I do what’s going on like that play? Like, wait, is this really my life now?
NANETTE MURPHY 7:38
Well, that’s true. And especially yourself. It’s only been a year. It’s still pretty rubbish. And it’s, you go through a grieving process. So you have to treat yourself with kindness. And I’m also a big advocate is get support
CRISTINA ROSE 7:53
Yeah, I was just about to say like.
NANETTE MURPHY 7:57
Hire a coach get into a support group. grief counseling. That was something that I wasn’t expecting when I divorced. Yeah, grieving like a death. Yeah. It just threw me right. off guard. And now I understand it’s completely, almost worse than a death because I say that person is still walking the earth. Yeah, just don’t be with you. You know, it’s painful.
CRISTINA ROSE 8:25
Yeah. And, you know, I think also just kind of losing the idea of what you thought it was going to be not that like, it’s like perfect, but just nothing ever is but like at least having it somewhat and like the vision of what you thought it was going to be. Like morning like that, in a way.
NANETTE MURPHY 8:45
Of course. It’s the it’s really the death of your marriage, what you thought was going to be forever. Yeah, and you’ve got children and again, everything in your life changes. The only thing that doesn’t change doesn’t have to change is you and how you take care of yourself. But if you haven’t already taken care of yourself, now’s a great time to start. Yeah, whether it be your food intake, your exercising routine, I always say if you have an exercise routine, step it up. And if you don’t, it’s time to get one. Yeah, it really will roll. Yeah, join a club, take a class, bring back things in your life. That used to mean a lot to you that you’ve kind of pushed by the wayside years. Your mom, you know, it’s not about.
CRISTINA ROSE 9:36
I mean, I used to you know, growing up, I was athletic. I played a lot of sports, you know, and kind of like after leaving the school scene, and you know, in college, I didn’t really like play. It’s like, I liked playing a sport, you know, and, okay, I’m gonna bring like tennis back into my life for you know, and it’s like it’s been really soothing for the soul because not only do you need to work out I also feel like you need an activity That, like, just generates the soil in a different way, you know, and I mean, it just brings you joy thinking in a different way. So it’s like, so you know, bringing things like that back into your life, like you’re being a part of, like a group or whatever.
NANETTE MURPHY 10:14
Maybe you’ve always wanted to write a book. So now’s the time to do oh my god.
CRISTINA ROSE 10:19
Yeah, I’ve always wanted to write a book deal.
NANETTE MURPHY 10:22
But it was the things that you have to really mindful moments, and it’s learning to be mindful is very hard to do. Yeah. It’s easier said than done. Absolutely. It’s very, it’s completely conscious every day, from, you know, walking to your one room to the other, and just concentrating on your feet hitting the ground. Like, people think that’s kind of crazy, but it truly does. Ground you, so to speak.
CRISTINA ROSE 10:56
Well, now it is time for the “Power Mom Chronicles“. And I cannot wait to dive into these questions with you.
And my first one is what’s a game changing lesson life has taught you?
NANETTE MURPHY 11:07
Oh, well, divorce. And I think it was the power of stepping out of my comfort zone. Once I had the opportunity, and for me, it was during COVID, stepping out of my comfort zone, and finding a new path. which completely changed my outlook on life and on myself. Because now I am, I always say I’m more I’m stronger, more courageous, and full of energy than I ever have been. And that was a game changer in my life, just stepping out of my comfort zone and doing things that I never expected to do in my life.
CRISTINA ROSE 11:52
Yeah, I think stepping out of your comfort zone, that’s the way you grow, you know, and you learn and you discover who you are, and knew, you know, things about, you know, I was like brave enough to do this, or, you know, strong enough to do that. And smart enough to do this, you know, whatever.
NANETTE MURPHY 12:10
it’s so, and women tend to play that play themselves down.
CRISTINA ROSE 12:15
Yeah. And you know, and then reflecting on your journey, what practical lessons or insights can our listeners apply to improve their own lives?
NANETTE MURPHY 12:24
You know, again, don’t be afraid to ask questions. Try new things. Like I said earlier, you know, have you always wanted to paint take painting class? Have you always wanted to do dig deep? That inner voice? And just don’t be afraid? Yeah, that’s the only thing that I can think of is that just don’t be afraid because it for women, a little piece of advice, the older we get, the stronger we get. Yeah, we truly do come into our own after we’re 40 years old. So yeah, wait for it.
CRISTINA ROSE 13:08
So also, can you offer a piece of wisdom for women, moms, anyone really striving to find their strength, and voice?
NANETTE MURPHY 13:20
You know, again, I want you to realize that you’re more powerful than you think you are. And when you learn to, let’s say, learn to meditate, take three minutes in the morning, to just quietly sit and reflect and listen to that inner voice and what you want in your life. You will get a message, you will get an answer. And learn to slow down, take a breath. And it all goes back to basically get out of your own way. So that the doors will open up for you. If you and you can go through them and things great things will happen if you let it.
CRISTINA ROSE 14:07
Yeah, And the best advice you’ve ever received.
NANETTE MURPHY 14:11
Oh, don’t take no for an answer. Truly, I’ve heard I’ve been hearing that a lot lately, especially from women that don’t interviews that you see. Yeah. Just don’t take no for an answer because a lot of doors will close in your face. And that’s okay. There’s other ones that it will open for you. But don’t just let anybody intimidate you to think that you can’t do what you want to do.
CRISTINA ROSE 14:36
Exactly, Yeah. And I think that is the cherry on top to this wonderful episode. And NANETTE, thank you so much for coming on this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. All of her links are down below in the show notes. Don’t be shy. Go say hi. And I hope to see you all in the next one. Thanks for listening