CRISTINA ROSE 0:00
Oh Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast” and today’s special guest is Stephanie DALFonzo, a seasoned integrated hypnotist with 19 years of expertise. And she is on a mission to empower individuals of all ages to conquer stress and anxiety through the transformative science of self hypnosis. Stephanie, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. I cannot wait to dive into our topic.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 0:31
I know and you and I, even before you hit record, you and I had already dived into, oh, how can we do this little simple shift?
CRISTINA ROSE 0:39
Yeah, You know what, and we just need to take time to sit and reflect with ourselves. And we were talking about earlier, people get all caught up and like, it needs to be hard, but it’s really only very simple. You know, and with, you know, hypnosis, you know, is often misunderstood. So, could you clarify the common misconceptions that hypnosis in mind control can explain the will explain and expand the natural state of focused attention and heightened suggestibility it actually involves.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 1:11
I’ll answer it with a question to start. Have you ever driven somewhere, Christina? And you get there? You don’t remember the drive?
CRISTINA ROSE 1:20
Yes, sometimes.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 1:22
You were in highway hypnosis, my dear. Really, when my daughter was 16, she came home for driver’s ed one night. Bomb, we were talking about highway hypnosis, because it’s a naturally occurring phenomenon. So people think that I used to walk into the local networking events. And there was always this guy, Tom, and he’d go watch out, she’s gonna make you bark like a dog cluck like a chicken. Because he was afraid it didn’t matter what I said he was so afraid that I was going to be able to control his mind. And he doesn’t realize that I had no power. You know, I wish I had known this when my kids were younger that No, I can’t control them. But that’s another story. So another way of looking at a common experience of hypnosis is, whether it’s playing a game, we’re just scrolling on your phone, and you’re so into it. And somebody’s calling you from the other room, and you don’t hear them because you’re so focused. It’s a state of hypnosis. So it’s a naturally occurring state. It’s none of the stuff. You know, the stuff we see on the TV and the movies, it’s intentionally supposed to be entertaining, right? They wouldn’t find what I do entertaining, because I’m not making people bark like a dog or forget their name. And like, if you’ve ever been to a stage show, and I’m saying not just to you, Christina, but anybody who’s listening, if you’ve ever been to a stage hypnosis show, you know, there’s gonna be fun things and oh, my gosh, you know, there’s usually some alcohol involved. So you’re a little loosened up, right? And then you see this person, what’s your name? And if it was you, Christina on the stage, you’d be like, I I don’t know. And you think, Oh, my gosh, how did they do it? Because you were in this heightened state of suggestibility doesn’t mean that six months later, if I asked you, oh, hi. Nice to meet you. What’s your name? You’d be like, I don’t know. No, it’s just for during that show. So, you know, people, people get caught up in that thinking that that’s what it is. And I did get trained to be a stage hypnotist. But that’s not what I want to do. Because I’m much more into empowering people.
CRISTINA ROSE 3:36
Exactly, You know, you have this upcoming masterclass. And you mentioned unlocking like the inner calm through self hypnosis, like, can you explain how self hypnosis provides access to one’s inner strength, wisdom into even their own confidence?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 3:51
Great question, Christina. And all of what you just said, it’s already inside us. We just get so busy with everything that’s going on, and especially when you’re in your 40s Oh, my gosh, I think that that was the busiest time of my life. Because I had kids, I had my career going. I had aging parents, like all of this stuff. So we forget that these resources are already inside of us. And I know that you’re a tennis enthusiast, right? Great. So have you ever been in your mind? Like pre planning pre, you know, doing a dress rehearsal of a match that you were going to play?
CRISTINA ROSE 4:13
Yeah. And I notice the state of my mind when I’m playing really well versus like when I’m not like there’s a shift in my brain and I can say, I’ve always been like an athlete and when that brain inside me clicks, like I’m like, unstoppable. I’m doing really great. But then I noticed when I’m not in that state, I don’t do as well like I can In a sense it, you know, and it’s, it’s amazing, you know, you just really got to get it life’s a mental game, you know what I mean?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 5:06
Yes, it is. That is like that should be a tattoo on everybody’s head. Right? So you’ve already been practicing self-hypnosis, you didn’t know, it didn’t have that label, right? Any Olympic athlete. And I’m really like, going out on a bit of a limb here. But I truly believe that any Olympic athlete does hypnosis in one form or another, right? Maybe you call it guided visualization or whatever. But what we mentally dress rehearse becomes our reality. So it’s, if it’s that, you know, you’re really nervous about, you know, a meeting or something that’s coming up, and you keep going in your mind over and over again, you are setting down the tracks that that meeting is going to go exactly the way you don’t want it to be. And however, when we end, there’s science to back all of this up, when we instead, dress rehearse in our mind, things going the way we want them to not like what they showed in the secret the movie where it you know, click your heels three times in a Missouri he’s going to appear in your driveway. It’s not that it’s not airy fairy stuff. It’s about truly tapping into this incredible computer that we have in our brain that AI has not conquered yet, right, we still have more power up here between, you know, our forehead, each side of our forehead, we have more power than any AI has. And it’s a question of how do we tap into that? One of the one of the first things for me is always about finding your calm and being able to calm because when we’re in a state of reaction, anything that’s going to be helpful, has already got left that you know, it’s left, it’s gone out the window. So when we can find our calm, and I’m not talking about, oh, meditate 20 minutes in the morning and meditate again, 20 minutes at night. That’s nice if somebody can do it. But I still have not been able to to master that practice. And I gave up on it years ago, because I figured out that it really is about these simple shifts, right. So when we dip our toe into calm at various points through the day, and we’re unlocking it, we’re pouring it out. It’s not getting a chance to build up to the breaking point, which we all have a breaking point. And mine came when I was smashing a bag of Cheetos because I had developed insomnia. I was my first career I was a celebrity radio DJ. I was doing the morning show. So I was getting up at three in the morning. Two small kids one still in diapers, insomnia, meet anxiety, smash, so I was smashing a bag of Cheetos. We all have that breaking point. So really, like my mission is, let me show you the shortcut because you don’t have to go there.
CRISTINA ROSE 8:03
Yeah, and when we are in that state of calm, we have more creativity in solving the problems that we have, you know and I mean, because a panic then we start like you’re saying like we’re making like maybe the wrong action to the to solve the problem. But when we’re in a state of calm like we can come up with more creative solutions and we’re not in like, you know, panic, panic, panic mode. Parents, you need the addicted Child A Parent’s Guide to adolescent substance abuse by Richard cabriolet. It’s a must have for understanding teen substance use and learning the warning signs every parent should know the addicted Child A Parent’s Guide to adolescent substance abuse by Richard Capriola. And here’s the kicker, Richard spills, the beans on explaining substance used by today’s adolescents and how drugs work in the teen brain. He’s even included important warning signs for self harm, and eating disorders and how to find the right help for your team. And the best part is, you’re getting all of these mind blowing insights without breaking the bank. If you’re a parent or know someone who is this book is going to be your secret weapon, Kindle or paperback grab your copy on Amazon or go to help the addicted child.com The sites in this book are pure gold and spread the word share the love and let’s empower ourselves with knowledge. So what are some practical you know, techniques or strategies you can use to help individuals you know conquer those limiting beliefs you know tap into that success through hypnosis and, you know, stay in that calm state when you know things are heightened or you’re in that smash crash mode.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 9:46
Perfect question because I was like, Oh, I can’t wait to share this with you. So when we’re in that panic mode, all we can see is what’s wrong. What’s wrong. What’s wrong, what’s wrong, that’s all we can see. So listeners, really I’m saying this to you not like, oh, I want to go teach my kids this, we’re going to put our oxygen masks on first mamas because we got to take care of ourselves before we can take care of them. So stop and I’m going to ask you, I’m going to put you on the spot for a second, Christina. Okay. You can ask the question, I’m asking you this now. What’s right, right now, Christina?
CRISTINA ROSE 10:29
My life?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 10:30
What about your life? What’s right now in this moment
CRISTINA ROSE 10:35
That I’m speaking to you. And what’s right, is that I’m healthy. And, you know, starting new adventures and like, I don’t know, I’ve just feel excited about life and just starting new chapters. And so for me right now, like, that’s just my life, I guess. Right?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 10:54
And so I can see it, or you can see it in your body language, I can hear it in your voice, like your energy just really went up. Because when you started looking for gratitude in your life, you were triggering your body to produce dopamine and serotonin, which are the happy hormones. So when we talk about this, this is Mama’s you got to take care of yourself first. This is for down the road after you’ve already got this in your repertoire. It’s the witching hour. And any mom listening knows exactly when that is we know when that witching hour is. Oh, wait, stop, timeout. What’s right right now. You break the cycle. And then you go to Oh, it’s gratitude, right? Literally, again, I love having research to back it up. That Shawn a core happiness researcher, that’s his job title. How cool is that? Right?
CRISTINA ROSE 11:47
Actually, I’ve seen him speak.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 11:50
Isn’t he amazing?
CRISTINA ROSE 11:51
Yeah. No, he was great. I have a picture with him. Yeah, I know. He was great.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 11:54
I love him. And he said, he found he researched and found out looking for gratitude drops your cortisol stress levels by 23%. Yeah. Oh, okay. Then we drop out of our head where we’re thinking about it drop into your heart and feel the gratitude like you just did, Christina. Now we’re producing the dopamine and serotonin. So we have this ability inside of us to in under a minute. Oh, what’s right, right now? What’s right now? Oh, oh, all of a sudden, we’re Oh, we hit thought forgotten for a moment, we have forgotten about whatever it was, that wasn’t feeling like it was right. And it’s simple, right? It didn’t take you 20 minutes to get there. I am not into if it takes 20 minutes. In our fast paced society, people aren’t going to do it. Yeah, it’s gonna happen. So when we can quickly go into what’s right right now and shift things, then we get the chance to respond. And this is also a really important thing to really try and get your head around. The difference between reacting and responding. When we are, when we’re tense when we’re anxious, when we’re angry, frustrated, whatever, we’re reacting, right. And, and I will say, you know, I share my Cheetos story, because that was not my finest moment. And I share that. So other moms can go, Okay, I’m not the only one that has gotten to that point. I want to help you before you get to that breaking point to say, oh, okay, if I can shift this around, I’m having a tough day. And I shifted around to okay, what is right, oh, okay. Now I can start responding. And then when we’re responding, we’re still in our power instead of giving it away by reacting.
CRISTINA ROSE 13:48
Yeah, You know, and it is true, I remember a little bit off topic, I remember being like, Okay, I want to give like someone one compliment a day, you know, a genuine compliment, you know, and I started, you know, doing that, and I was like, firing out all the time. And I felt energized and happy. You know, and I mean, because it was making me feel good, you know, sending out love and light to like other people, you know, it’s, it’s important to also, you know, be that way not only for yourself, but the others around you, you know, and it’s like, how are you reacting to other people, and it’s very powerful. And it’s like, I was always I’m always like, kind of like, high energy. So I was like, my high energy like, and then it’s like, I just felt everything else would go right in my day, you know? Yeah. feeling of euphoria and happiness and stuff.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 14:38
And that state of euphoria or happiness is not outside us in a pill, a potion, a guru or a gadget. It’s within us and so I have these monthly free self hypnosis master classes to teach you without, you know, like, oh, I don’t know if I would I don’t know about this H word, right. Oh, come and join me. We’re gonna play and you’re gonna find out, again, I’m not into, it takes a long time, I wanted to teach you really quickly how to drop into hypnosis. So as you do this, and you can drop in and just a couple of minutes, and really find your center and find your power, then oh, though, the rest of the day goes in a different direction.
CRISTINA ROSE 15:23
And I think the first part of it is just recognizing, and then you have to recognize your mind kind of like maybe going a little negative and like, correct yourself, you know, and having that strength to be like, Ah, I’m not gonna let the Gremlin get the best of me, you know, I’m gonna, like, switch over, and I’m gonna, you know, take a breath, and I’m gonna think of the positive things, you know, and I love that you’re here to help women before they crash and burn because it’s normally when we crash and burn, is when we realize we need to do a change, you know, and it’s like, why get to that point, when we have resources like you to help us, you know, stay level heaven level headed for a while.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 16:03
When I hit my breaking point, wasn’t like the research why I keep saying, Well, I’m low having the research is because when I started this, back in the 90s, there wasn’t the research to back it up. So the very first thing I learned, and you know, many of your listeners may familiar, be familiar with tapping, Emotional Freedom
CRISTINA ROSE 16:22
Tapping really helped me.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 16:25
And it’s phenomenal. It was the first thing I learned. But back in the 90s, when I learned it from Gary Craig, who’s the founder of Emotional Freedom Techniques. I’m like, Oh, now my radio career was over. And I’m trying to tell people about, wow, there’s this new thing I learned that helped me to sleep and calm my anxiety, and it’s like acupuncture with needles, and I’m watching people’s eyes glaze over like, oh, okay, she’s gone off the deep end. Yeah. And oh, well, because I knew I was getting the relief. And then that led me to, whoo, what else is out there. That’s why I call myself an integrative hypnotist. Because it’s not just hypnosis. It’s hypnosis, and EFT. And this and this, I’ve been, I’ve been trained in so many different modalities, because I’ve had a couple of people, not a lot, but a couple of people over the years, who have come and they’ve not been impressed are into EFT, tapping. And Alright, if that’s all I knew, Oh, I wouldn’t be able to help them. So when it’s like, okay, all right, well, let’s just go over and take this path instead. Then it’s finding again, I don’t believe in one size fits all because it doesn’t work. Right. And it doesn’t. With our closed sighs I have very happy to say thank you hypnosis, I have not just dropped 50 pounds, I’ve kept it off. And I didn’t some fad diet or you know any of that stuff. It was through using my mind. Right? One size doesn’t fit all one technique that I share with you isn’t gonna work for everybody. But like in my book, I have 35 different techniques. And it’s not because you have to learn all 35 It’s, oh, I even put them in alphabetical order. So you don’t even have to read the paper. It’s only like 100 pages. You don’t even have to read the whole book. Go through the table of contents go. Oh, what’s right, right now let me check. What’s that? Oh, to pick two or three. And Action them? That’s the key that kind of trips us up is our society with like so instantaneous? You know, we want? We want to just push the button and everything’s fine. Yeah.
CRISTINA ROSE 18:39
But we have it’s not next day delivered through Amazon. I don’t want it. Exactly. take too long.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 18:47
Exactly But with our brain, you know, how do we form our habits? Your kids are still little so you said you have a two and a five year old is your five year old riding a two wheeler. It’s still with the training wheels.
CRISTINA ROSE 18:59
Where are the training wheels? I need to get him out on the bike more. That’s just like my own mom fault. But like he’s still on. He’s still on his training wheels.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 19:06
No Fault, my dear. And what you just said? He needs to do it more frequently. That’s the point. I was getting it. Yeah, habits become habits because of repetition. Because we take them over and over and over again. Right? We can’t just say, Oh, my gosh, I’m stressed out. Oh, let me do what’s right now or this other technique? And then oh, poof, everything’s fine. We have to repeat it because it’s the neural pathways we have, I think 86 billion neurons in our brain, which are just a fancy name from messengers, right? When we have this experience the first time these neurons fire off and every time we repeat it the same neurons keep firing off, and oh, then we get those deeper and deeper neural pathways. So eventually, your son is like, oh, okay, we’re ready to take the training wheels off because he’s practiced enough. So To Do With these techniques and why I’m such a stickler about, it’s got to be simple. It’s got to be quick. Because if it’s not, you’re not going to do it.
CRISTINA ROSE 20:09
Yeah that’s true. And especially in today’s society, and you know, it’s so true, like, you know, how you work out like your body muscle, you have to work out your brain muscle and how to do that is the repetition, and pushing yourself to do those things that you don’t want to do like going to the gym or whatever, you know. And that’s how you build that mental strength and you build those habits. And then next thing you know, it’s just like riding a bike.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 20:34
Exactly. Okay, so that’s a wrap you just said concisely. Got my whole message out. Thank you.
CRISTINA ROSE 20:50
All right, Stephanie. It is time for the Power Mom Chronicles. And I cannot wait to dive into this with you and hear your answers.
So my first one to you is what’s a game changing lesson life has taught you.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 21:05
There’s so many be present and start where you are.
CRISTINA ROSE 21:09
Yeah, just dive in. It’s hard. If you have a fear, and a desire to go for it, that’s out of everyone. And I’ve been doing this podcast, it’s on my third year now. And it’s like, that’s just like one of the messages that I’ve always kind of felt like I’ve heard a lot and it’s like, that’s, that’s your calling, just go for it. It’s not gonna happen instantaneously. Because, you know, you always have to, like, learn and grow through, like the journey of what you’re, you know, your blocks and your wins and successes, but, you know, just go for it. You know, it’s never gonna be perfect.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 21:44
Yeah, no, I can that’s, that’s another life lesson. It will never be perfect. And that’s okay.
CRISTINA ROSE 21:50
You know, and reflecting on your journey, what practical lessons or insights can our listeners apply to improve their own lives?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 22:01
Be gentle with yourself. I was so hard on myself. I was definitely judge and jury to myself. And everything I was, it was never good enough, right? I was struggling, I was gonna be the perfect mom. And guess what? I wasn’t because there is no such thing as the perfect mom. So self compassion. Be gentle with yourself, and realize that, you know, you’re not going to get it right. And you get the choice to again, dress rehearse, oh, I’m going to do that again. And again, and again, or dress rehearse. I’m going to learn from this, and I’ll do it differently next time.
CRISTINA ROSE 22:38
Yeah. And it’s just like you said, it’s that mind shift, you know, instead of like, Woe is me. It’s like, well, how can I learn and change? You know, and I mean, yeah, yep. And then my third question to you is offer a piece of wisdom for moms or anyone trying to strive up trying to find their strength and voice?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 22:59
Oh, you know, I had a different one in mind. And the one that just popped in is the one I’ve got to share. It’s from Brene. Brown. And I posted this on social and I use it to talk that I gave recently, it is so true, that we need to put our oxygen mask on because gasping for air while offering other CPR is not going to work
CRISTINA ROSE 23:25
Right. You can think about reads and your oxygen to them if you can’t breathe. Right, right.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 23:31
I will tell you that as a young mom, I was that one gasping for air. I think that’s why this one has just really landed some so deeply in my heart, because I was I was taking care of everybody else. Because Oh, that was my job. Right? I was supposed to, oh, gotta take care of yourselves. And that’s why I you know, I love sharing techniques with people. But especially when I’m talking with moms, it’s Oh, take care of yourself. First get it into your muscle memory, then you’ll have more to give. Mm hmm. And then my wife’s not her own. Go ahead.
Yeah. And then my last question to you is the best advice you’ve ever received. Huh?
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 24:17
Get over yourself. Right, we take ourselves so seriously. Exactly. And you know what, I’ve really found that, you know, a light hearted approach to life. It just makes it’s like WD 40 for your life. Right. It just smooths the path ahead of us.
CRISTINA ROSE 24:35
Yeah. And instead of like trying to fight swimming upstream, you know, just go with the flow.
STEPHANIE DALFONZO 24:42
Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You’re so wise Mama.
CRISTINA ROSE 24:48
Oh thank you so much, Stephanie. It was such an honor to have you on this week’s podcast. All of her links are down below in the show notes. Don’t be shy. Go say hi. And I hope to see you all in the next one. Thanks for listening.