CRISTINA ROSE 0:05
Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast” today, I’m excited. We have Greg Singleton, a life coach, author and former IP director who shares practical insights on transforming life from rock bottom two purposeful living. So join us as he unveils the key to authenticity and fulfilling existence. Greg, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. It’s such an honor to have you on.
GREG SINGLETON 0:29
Oh, you’re 1,000,000%. Well, and thank you a million for having me on. And, again, before we start here, congrats on all the success with all of this podcast and the amount of valuable information that you’re sharing to everybody that consistently helps people become better every day. I hope there’s more that you continue to share with everybody, because this kind of stuff is what everybody needs to hear. So thank you so much. Appreciate it.
CRISTINA ROSE 0:51
Well, thank you, Greg, I really appreciate that. You know, that’s why we’re here. We want to help empower people, because when you are your best version of yourself, you your best version for everyone else around you. And you know, having that more purposeful, fulfilling life, and we don’t want to look back when we’re older and saying wish we could have Woulda, Shoulda you know what I mean? And I love like, yeah, and I love having people on like you to help inspire the world. So diving in. So can you share a practical tip from your book, trifecta of tranquility that our listeners can apply today to start their journey towards, you know, finding their own authentic selves?
GREG SINGLETON 1:29
Absolutely. Probably one of the one of the most important aspects that I had to learn during that entire journey of figuring out who I was, and what I stand for what I’m even doing here was really removing comparison from my life. And I started out as a people pleaser. So when I began life, I did everything I possibly could to make sure that people were in the best position they possibly could. And one of the most valuable aspects of figuring out your own authentic, authenticity is removing comparison in everything that you do. So the old saying, of Keeping Up with the Joneses, there’s a reason that is still around. And that is, throughout life, we consistently compare and say, at this point, they’re getting married, I should get married, you have a house, I should have a house, you’d have a car, I’d like to get into a car. And all of those aspects, what they do is they rob you of your authenticity. Because how someone else lives is their choice, it is has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with how you live your life. So being able to understand that making the decision for you and not to keep up with the Joneses was probably one of the most important aspects that I needed to remove from my life. And the moment that I would either catch myself in doing that, I would have to remove myself from that situation, to say, No, this is your life, these are your decisions. Absolutely nothing else that you do should be in comparison, because the moment you compare, you’re then setting it up for a 50 50 outcome. Either you’re better, or they’re better, or that’s better, or this is better. And that’s just not a convenient way to figure out who you are. Because you just consistently are jumping from one thing to another in life, and you never get to figure out what really sets with you and how you want to live. authentically.
CRISTINA ROSE 3:19
Yeah, and you’re so true, you know, comparison is so crippling, especially in today’s world. You know, we compare what we see on social media, and we know it’s everyone putting their best foot forward. And I think it’s been harder for the younger generation, because they haven’t experienced a world without that social media in comparison. And they feel like they have to live up to a certain standard of how many followers you have, and things like that, which, like we said, could cripple them in finding their own authentic self, because they’re trying to move with the masses, because they think like, oh, everyone jumped off a bridge, let’s do it type of thing, you know,
GREG SINGLETON 3:54
Absolutely couldn’t agree more, which is why I had to remove it. And the quicker we can get everybody into that space, or at least decrease the amount that you do it on a consistent basis, that it will be such a freeing aspect for how you live your life. It’ll really help you figure out who you are.
CRISTINA ROSE 4:11
Yeah, for sure. And motherhood, it took me a while to kind of not compare myself or compare where my child’s at versus their child and vice versa. And, you know, one of the key things that you said that was really important is like recognizing when your that’s actually happening to you. You know, and I think the first thing to do is recognize, okay, all right, take a step back, I’m comparing myself, I’m making myself and belittling myself because I’m comparing myself to this person, which I shouldn’t even be doing. So what steps can I do to, you know, change that thought process? Because I think the first thing and the most important thing is recognizing it, you know.
GREG SINGLETON 4:52
100% agree, and that’s honestly the easiest step to do. The steps that follow after that are the ones that are done. forgot, because you then have to go. Just take a quick breath. Okay. Let me remove myself from that comparison site. And let me get to what I want to do. What is that? And the more you can create the space and separation between recognizing what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, you will find a life that will unfold very quickly for you. Yeah, just as exactly how I hope everyone choose to live the life. Yeah.
CRISTINA ROSE 5:24
And then another thing that you had mentioned, that you were struggled with, and change was people pleasing. And so that, you know, it’s like learning how to set boundaries and knowing that, like, sometimes boundaries are gonna hurt people’s feelings. And they are, you know, and we need to be okay with that, but not that in a malicious way. You know, it’s just not living up to someone else’s expectation of what they expect of you, and what you’re comfortable with. So, you know, and it’s like, you know, being okay with that, and like, I’ve kind of had that symptom too, of like people pleasing, like always saying, yes, and then it was just like, at some point, I was just like, No, I’m not, thank you. But no, like, I’m not gonna do that anymore. Like, I’m tired. Sure, or whatever it is.
GREG SINGLETON 6:10
And it doesn’t mean, you don’t have to have a specific reason behind it. And that was one of the things that was really kept tripping me up when I kept doing it was, there is no specific reason to say no, it’s just, if that is outside what you want to do, then don’t do it. Exactly. It doesn’t mean that you have to be disrespectful and saying absolutely not. If somebody says do you want to go out you can say that or not, that’s okay. Just not. So I hope you guys have fun. Let me know how it goes or text me later. But it does not need to be a all or nothing thing. There is a gray area in between setting healthy boundaries that allow you to keep a healthy relationship with people, but also the distance that gives you what’s needed to have a healthier mindset for sure. Yeah.
CRISTINA ROSE 6:50
So Greg, what key steps did someone take to achieve a more meaningful and purposeful life besides the non comparison?
GREG SINGLETON 6:59
Absolutely. I got life has taught me to mess him up during those aspects. But probably one of the most interesting things that I had to define in myself was understanding that failure truly doesn’t exist in life, unless you sit down to properly define what success is. And most of the time will always can say that, you know, I failed at this, or I failed at that. But you’ve never actually sat down and said, What does success look like to me, because we’ve always been taught success is either an accomplishment, or a house, or a car, or a job title, or a salary or marriage or relationship, whatever it may be. But we’ve never actually sat and defined what success looks like, suppose whether that’s a healthy job, whether that’s a healthy relationship, whether that’s, you know what it means to you. So you’ve never actually failed at anything, because most of us have never sat down to define success. Yeah, so I had to really sit and figure out what success meant to me. And once you start down that path, you’ll begin to find out what means something to you, you will then put your time toward, and you can’t really fail at it, which means you’re taking the steps toward creating meaning and purpose in your life. And as you keep doing that, it will begin to grow. And a couple other different aspects of social connection is one of the most important things you can do to find meaning and purpose in life. Yeah, because your impact that you have in life has to be done with other people around you. And who you choose to do that with is extremely important. And the social connection will build bonds with you, it will help people pick you up when you’re down. It feels great when you help people when they need it. And the connection side of being able to figure out who you want to work with and having your circle around you is extremely helpful in helping you find the meaning and purpose. Because other people will be able to see things in you that you cannot. Yeah, because they have an outside perspective. Yeah. And it’s huge.
CRISTINA ROSE 9:03
Yeah And you know, many people struggle with the idea of that, like personal rock bottom, I think we’ve all kind of been there before in our lives. You know, what’s a small actionable step that someone in a situation can take to begin the process of that transformation?
GREG SINGLETON 9:20
Sure, everybody’s, everybody’s version of rock bottom changes drastically. And we all live different lives. And we all have different circumstances and different backgrounds. My personal rock bottom was honestly deciding if I was going to be here or not. So when you get to that state, and you understand that you need to change, the decisions you’ve made have gotten you to this point of deciding Is this too much weight to carry in life. And that is a rock bottom. That was for me. That was my version of it. Yeah. Recognizing that you were in that state. And knowing that you don’t want to come back here. This is not something you want to stay in. This is not a Please, you’ve got to be in. So you have to build the confidence, the self confidence to get yourself out of it. Yeah. And the only way to do that is by creating the way I did it for me personally, was I created tiny, small steps of goals throughout the day to be able to build my own confidence that I could get myself out. Yeah. And by doing that, it was getting out of bed. Yeah, and getting dressed, all of those aspects, making it to work, making it to lunch, those are all checkmarks that I was putting down on sheets of paper. So I can tangibly see the progress that I am making, and knowing that no one else is making the decisions about me. And building that slow confidence of watching yourself succeed, gets you to a place of going, I can do this, yeah, I can do myself back up. And I can remove myself from this situation. Because if you don’t find a way to figure out what your steps and goals are, and you allow someone else to drag you out, you’ll find yourself back in that position again in life, because you haven’t built the confidence to understand that you can get yourself out. Yeah, so creating actionable steps and seeing the progress that you’re making, not just mentally in your own head, but actually visually seeing it on a sheet of paper with checkmarks. And applauding yourself for doing what you’re doing, will build the confidence that you need to get out of your personal rock bottom, whatever that may be for whoever you are.
CRISTINA ROSE 11:28
Yeah and, you know, I think one of the hardest prisons to get out of this, like the mental prison, that I mean, and it is all consuming, it’s like holds our emotions and our thoughts and the reality of like, how we perceive our world. And I think that is a very important thing is to see it written down. Because then if we don’t visually see it, we get lost in the thought, You know what I mean? So I think that that’s like, a really good, you know, first step for someone like getting out of that mental state. And I think that’s probably one of the hardest things to do is your mental your mind, like how you control it. I mean, that’s kind of one of the lessons that we’re here, I think on Earth is just to like, learn how to, you know, deal with our emotions, and how we handle things and situations. So, I mean, I think that’s really good if someone’s feeling trapped in their mental state to write things down and just take little baby steps. And try not to be too hard on yourself.
GREG SINGLETON 12:26
Very much. So because in that, in that same vein of what you’re talking about, your emotions will end up dictating your actions and reactions. So if you don’t take the time, to create the space between what emotion you’re in before you act and react, you’re going to be left apologizing for the way that you operated. There’s a big reason why they say the actions speak louder than words.
CRISTINA ROSE 12:48
Well and actions have consequences. You know, and I mean, so you got to be now you know, I’m used to some actions, you can’t take back so. Right? Well, I think that’s really important.
GREG SINGLETON 13:02
It’s hugely important to be able to understand how to create that space that’s needed. But again, that all starts from the confidence to know that you can do it. And if you don’t start with the tiny steps to build the bigger steps, you’re not going to be able to get to where you need to be. Exactly.
CRISTINA ROSE 13:21
Well, Greg, it is time for the “Power Mom Chronicles”. And I cannot wait to dive in and find out what your answers are.
And my first one to you is what’s a game changing lesson life has taught you?
GREG SINGLETON 13:35
Absolutely the idea of impermanence for me. And recognizing from the life that I had lived, we how much time we have left is never really guaranteed. And coming from the space that I was in, where I didn’t really know what time I would have left. The value of impermanence really is what creates the joy and appreciation and gratitude for things that you have in your life, the small dinners that you have the conversations that you have with people, the interactions, the vacations and things like that, all of those things come to an end, and they have a lifespan associated with them. So while you’re in them, to be able to appreciate them, how they’re happening and why they’re happening is probably one of the biggest life lessons that has taught me is that I needed to take the time to understand that even the smallest things in life are the biggest things in life. Yeah, because you don’t know how much time you have. And that was pretty irrelevant to me.
CRISTINA ROSE 14:35
Yeah, sure. Yeah. The little things are that matter? Mostly, sometimes, you know, and that’s what you’re just saying. I love that. So reflecting on your journey, what practical lessons or insights can our listeners apply to improve their own lives?
GREG SINGLETON 14:52
There’s countless that you could possibly imagine for so many people. But for me, if I could just do one piece of advice on to individuals would be to learn to master yourself, or the outside world will end up doing that for you. And if you’re at the mercy of what’s happening in the outside world, then you’re consistently going to be on a roller coaster ride of emotions of actions, reactions of where your life is going is only going to be reactionary. So if you don’t take the time to learn and master yourself, your mind, your body, your mindset, then your life is going to become very frantic. And there’s going to be a bunch of stress and anxiety and fear and projection, and reliving of past and those types of aspects. And all of those things will come down to one thing, and that is you, you need to be able to learn to master yourself.
CRISTINA ROSE 15:47
Exactly we’re the only thing we can control is ourselves.
GREG SINGLETON 15:49
100% 100%, there’s nothing else you can control. Your emotions are yours, no one’s given them to you. So you get to control how you want to deploy them.
CRISTINA ROSE 15:59
And so my third question to you is offer a piece of wisdom for moms or anyone really striving to find their strength and voice.
GREG SINGLETON 16:09
Sure. I know specifically that a lot of moms do listen to this. But this retains to pretty much anyone that anyone out there, but I do not have children, I have 10 nieces and nephews. So I’ve watched my sisters raise a ton of them from 21, down to like six is the youngest now. So I’ve run the gamut. And probably one of the most important things that I can tell moms trying to find their voice or your or their place is the well that you draw from, that you have love for your child is unimaginable, and there is no one that can even comprehend what that love and bond is like that is transformational. It is selfless, it is extremely powerful. And it’s endless. And that same well that you give to your child to transform their life is the same exact well you can draw from for yourself. Because if you have the ability to give that to your child to transform their life, there’s absolutely nothing stopping you from giving yourself the same exact reprieve and the same exact love that you give your children because that is up to you, in the same way that you apply it to them as the same well you can apply it to yourself.
CRISTINA ROSE 17:25
Beautiful. And then my last question to you is the best advice you’ve ever received.
GREG SINGLETON 17:34
Um, if I were to pick one from a lot of different circumstances in life, probably one of the most impactful things that anyone has ever said to me was, you’re worth it. And when you start to really believe that you’re worth it, you begin to change everything. Yeah. Because when you bend to that place that you’re debating whether or not you know what you do in life and how you do it, why you do it, you are worth it. Whether that’s the small steps or the large steps or the dreams and goals or aspirations. Everything that you do and you accomplish, you are worth it. Because life is worth it. Your life everyone listening to this every your life is worth. But it’s just a simple piece of advice that everyone can follow and write down and read and truly believe it for sure.
CRISTINA ROSE 18:28
Well, what a great way to end this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. You guys are all worth it. Greg’s information is down below in the show notes. Don’t be shy. Go say hi, and I hope to see you all in the next one. Thanks for listening