CRISTINA ROSE 0:15
Hey friends welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast” and today we have our wonderful guest “Faith” a trauma informed recovery coach specializing in post narcissistic stress disorder. Her memoir, rising from the ashes intertwines personal experience with valuable insight offering hope and tools for survivors of narcissistic abuse faith. Thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. I’m so excited to dive into today’s topic.
FAITH C. ECHO 0:41
Thank you so much for having me here and for providing me the platform to share my experience and my story and hopefully help some people.
CRISTINA ROSE 0:52
So can you explain what post narcissistic stress disorder is and how it differs from other forms of PTSD?
FAITH C. ECHO 1:00
PTSD is mainly like an acute trauma, it could be like a one time event like witnessing a crash or a natural disaster or just something that happens like mainly one time, that’s very traumatic. And post narcissistic, is basically caused by that one person, just the abuse that you’ve been through, for so long, the ongoing chronic trauma, this stems are very much alike, you know, the hyper vigilance, the insomnia, the flashbacks, the all the horribleness Well, I think the main difference is that it was caused by one specific person, and it was just chronic for as long as it lasted.
CRISTINA ROSE 1:51
You know and I feel like sometimes with narcissistic abuse you can go into, like cognitive dissonance, you know, it’s like your brain is telling you one thing, and then another, it’s just almost like Jacqueline Hyde like game playing. So it’s really kind of hard to separate yourself to really understand like, what’s even happening?
FAITH C. ECHO 2:11
Oh, exactly, it happens so subtly, that you just one day start to realize you have no self esteem. Like your worth is just completely eroded. You feel you’re going crazy. You’re the one like betrayal blindness, a lot of times we don’t want to accept or realize that somebody we care about so much could be so cruel. So we do try to turn the other way and until we can’t anymore.
CRISTINA ROSE 2:40
Exactly so, in your experience as a trauma informed recovery coach, what are some common signs or red flags that someone you know, may be in a narcissistic relationship?
FAITH C. ECHO 2:52
Well, first of all, I think our gut is always correct. So I think if something feels off, it probably is. If somebody is controlling, and wants to know where you’re going, and doesn’t want you to go out with certain people and becomes very possessive. If they’re not like your cheerleader in life, you know, like they don’t support your dreams and your goals and they’re constantly putting you down and criticizing you and swearing at you and gaslighting you and just toxic and it’s our birth given right to be happy and peaceful and be loved unconditionally. And you that will never happen with a toxic person.
CRISTINA ROSE 3:37
Yeah And it’s so true. You have to listen to your gut, your gut is your second brain. I know like in my own experience, I kind of like shut it off, like, okay, like, this is what it is in my relationship. I can handle it. But then it showed up in another form, which was in my gut, and I had been reading a lot of blogs that narcissistic abuse can cause git problems. And it’s so true. Listen to your gut. And it was like, my gut was telling me, Hey, you got to remove yourself from the situation. And it’s just amazing how much of the year has made such a difference. You know, me being you know, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in December of 22. We’re now in 2024. And I’ve like completely almost healed myself naturally without any Western medicine and that’s doing a lot of life changing and a lot of like reflection on the inside. You know, in your memoir rising from the ashes, you know, you share your own personal story of surviving narcissistic abuse. What advice or tools do you offer in the book that can you know, give hope to others going through like the similar experiences?
FAITH C. ECHO 4:41
I think talking about it is a huge game changer. I think listening to other survivors stories so that we know that it’s not us, that we’re not alone, that we are supported. I think knowledge is power. So I did so much research on narcissistic personality disorder like I swear, I feel like I got my PhD. Definitely like educating ourselves, therapy. I mean, it’s brutal the aftermath. And I think it’s very helpful to talk to somebody about like a professional. Yeah, there’s a bunch of support groups for narcissistic abuse survivors and podcasts. And it’s just, it’s nuts.
CRISTINA ROSE 5:28
No, and I really do think it’s important like having that community and someone like you to like, talk them through it, because what we had mentioned earlier, like the cognitive dissonance is real, you know, and then you have a fear of wanting to leave, but then you want to stay and it’s like, you know, hard to kind of differentiate, like really what you’re feeling inside, and having someone there can really help you. I know, it really helped me during that time. You know, I don’t think I probably would have had the courage to be where I’m at today if I didn’t have somehow because I was at a low point you know, feeling worthless and when I can’t leave and I want to stay love them, but then it’s like, you know, it also doesn’t make me feel the best so I think it’s really important and to educate yourself. Hey there amazing listeners. Are you feeling stuck or in pain after divorce, longing for a more purposeful life? Well, Donna Mcgoff empowering courses are your ticket to breaking free from the past and creating a life you love. The time to transform is now verse chorus is rise up after divorce, recovery, reconnect, reinvent, it takes you from where you are stuck to your personal transformation. Along with Transforming Your Life get $75 off on this full process course a limited time offer. It includes all courses into one holistic approach. And for those who are seeking a more tailored approach, and a smaller investment Donna has broken down the courses into separate modules, creating a total of five courses course one, the road through recovery, uncover where you’re stuck and create a personalized plan for moving forward course two is reconnecting with self. In this course, you will learn how to create harmony and balance along among the four pillars of the well being so that you create healthy habits, boundaries, and a relationship going forward and discover where you are now and design a personal life timeline. For a bird’s eye view of your past course three is reinventing itself. Reconnect with your strengths and passions and finding your sweet spot for the joy and happiness in life. Of course four is relaunching yourself, be the creator of your future by strategically improving key areas of your life. Don’t miss out on her valuable freebie and insight ebook to kickstart your transformative journey. Download your free ebook, now the link is in the description. Start now and get a discount of $75 off on the first full process course be ready for positive change. Check out the description, take the advantage Enroll today and seize the opportunity to break up from with the past and start with a fresh chapter together. And you know, and when we talk about educating Why is it not only important for victims to educate themselves, but for you know, law enforcement, the judicial system, you know, mental health professionals and basically society in general to kind of know, these signs of that type of personality disorder.
FAITH C. ECHO 8:38
Because these people are so manipulative, and they are just such charmers, and they can make it seem like there’s nothing wrong with them. It’s the other person that’s crazy. And I really think that especially emergency responders need to be aware and understand that abuse isn’t just physical. Right? So coercive control is the mental and like the logical and those are scars that we can’t see. So I think that way too many women have been murdered by people like this a lot of women who have actually tried to reach out and go to the police officers and they did nothing. And especially lawyers and judges, because at the end of the day, if there’s kids involved, the kids are the ones that are going to suffer exists. So I think trainings need to go on. I think they should teach this course like starting in high school. I feel like it should be mandatory course in college and like we put up fliers about it we put up posters like I think just anything to help spread the word. And June 1 is actually national narcissistic abuse day, which is just amazing. Because I really feel the more we get the word out there, the more people can recognize These guys and just run in the opposite direction.
CRISTINA ROSE 10:03
Yeah, they are charmers. And then once they sink their teeth in you, it’s kind of hard, you know, and it’s sometimes it takes years to finally figure it out, you know? And in your advocacy work, you know, what steps do you believe, you know, can be taken to prevent the narcissistic abuse and like support survivors on their path to recovery. I know you mentioned like teaching it in school and stuff like that. But is there anything else that you’d like to add on? And the message that you really would love for the audience to know about this?
FAITH C. ECHO 10:35
I think it’s very important to feel validated. Just have somebody there to bear witness to our experience. Again, talking about it, I can’t stress that enough, because I had no idea and I’m a social worker, I had no clue what was going on. And as soon as somebody said, the word narcissist, and it drives me nuts how people just throw that term around, you know, so literally, no, understanding what it is. So, watching podcasts and reading about it, and there’s so many blogs, I think that is all extremely, extremely helpful.
CRISTINA ROSE 11:13
Yeah and like we had mentioned earlier, listening to the signs of your own body, you know, and I mean, if something doesn’t feel right, like listen to it, and I feel like sometimes we have a hard time listening to ourselves and trusting ourselves and in our gut, you know, because most often we’re distracted by other things. And we’re not taking a second to reflect on ourselves. So I also think it’s important to really, you know, trust and understand and be like, Okay, well, why am I feeling this way, like, I shouldn’t always have to be walking on eggshells in my life, you know, and knowing what you deserve, and that you’re, worth more than what you’re being received. And I think that you know, it’s also self confidence and self love within yourself, you know, because sometimes, when we don’t have self love, we feel like we deserve this type of behavior and abuse towards ourselves.
FAITH C. ECHO 11:59
Absolutely. That’s definitely the takeaway I, came to realize that I had no self worth, I had zero self love, and you start to believe the toxic thoughts that you’re fed, you know, so they’re reiterating, yes, you’re worthless, you’re never gonna find anybody, it’s. But to your point, it’s funny, the gut is known as like the second brain. So yeah, it would stand to reason that you start to feel it. And they say, when somebody shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
CRISTINA ROSE 12:34
Yeah, Exactly. All right.
It is time for the power mom Chronicles. And I cannot wait to know what your answers are. So my first one to you is what is a game changing lesson life has taught you.
FAITH C. ECHO 12:50
To put up boundaries, to love myself and not take anything that’s unacceptable to me anymore. If I don’t feel loved or respected, then I’m out the door. And that took me a really long time to realize that I am worthy of love, and just practice self compassion and gratitude. Just be grateful for every single thing in life.
CRISTINA ROSE 13:16
And, you know, one thing to add that I wanted to say is boundaries do hurt people’s feelings. And we have to be okay with that, because we’re really loving ourselves. And it’s not even like we’re hurting their feelings. It’s just we’re not being able to meet that expectation of someone and that person can’t expect these expectations, you know, what I mean? Can’t expect their expectations should be met every time. So it is important to know that sometimes when you start your boundary journey, they’re gonna hurt people’s feelings. And you have to be like, have a strong backbone with that.
FAITH C. ECHO 13:47
Especially if these people are used to like plowing through your boundaries. irritate them. And you know what, that’s okay. We just need to learn to say ouch, and stop. And with boundaries, so yeah, you will piss a lot of people off. But it’s like you said, it’s self love. Like we need to do that for ourselves.
CRISTINA ROSE 14:08
Perfect And my second question is reflecting on your journey, what practical lessons or insights can our listeners apply to improve their own lives?
FAITH C. ECHO 14:18
Just don’t stand for disrespect. Don’t stay with somebody who doesn’t treat you the way you’re supposed to. If you’re scared of somebody, love doesn’t hurt. I think a lot of the times women stay for the kids. And they need to get out for the kids because the kids are there observing and absorbing everything and what they learn as little kids is how they grow up to view the world and especially their brains are just so malleable. zero to eight so they’ve been through the battle too, and we just need to find the strength to really get out for our children.
CRISTINA ROSE 14:57
Yeah know, and that was, you know, the battle with me too. You know, it’s like with the kids and stuff. But ultimately, a happy home is the best home even if that means that the parents are separated, you know. And so my third question is, offer a piece of wisdom for moms or anyone striving to find their strength and voice in the world.
FAITH C. ECHO 15:25
Just have faith, don’t stop ever believing in yourself, and know that we are stronger than we think we are. And that once we start to feel safe again, we’re able to heal and we cannot run from those emotions. Like we really need to sit and hold space and honor every emotion that comes up because they serve a purpose. And we aren’t able to heal from them if we sort of tried to push them down and push them away. So part of the healing journey is just to really sit with ourselves and be with ourselves.
CRISTINA ROSE 16:00
Yeah. And my last question to you is the best advice you’ve ever received.
FAITH C. ECHO 16:08
I have to one is not to romanticize other people’s lives. And the other one is what Janis Joplin said, Never compromise yourself. You all you got. So I was to those. They really resonate with me.
CRISTINA ROSE 16:26
Yeah I love those. Well, faith. Thank you so much for coming on this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. All of her links are down below in the show notes. Don’t be shy. Go say hi. And I hope to see you all in the next one. Thanks for listening.
FAITH C. ECHO 16:39
Thank you