Cristina Francy 0:04
Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. Today’s special guest is “Lylian Toscano”, who is a ‘relationship coach who specializes in feminine energy.‘ And it’s such an honor to have you on Lylian. And before we dive into relationships and femininity, can you introduce yourself a little bit more to our audience?
Lylian Toscano 0:29
Oh, absolutely. Thank you so much for having me here. And I am so thrilled to be sharing this time with you. Okay, so a little bit about me. What, where should I start? So I’m happily married. We actually just celebrated a year in July. So yeah, and now it’s time to start a family. So we’re very excited to grow our family.
Cristina Francy 0:57
Congratulations.
Lylian Toscano 0:58
Absolutely, thank you. And just for me how it all really started, was my own struggles, my own journey, and seeing what really worked for me, and how I ended up to being in a very healthy, happy relationship, all the tools that I learned along the way, that’s what made me realize, like, wait a minute, this is something and there is something here with feminine energy that I would like to share, I want to go up there on the top of the mountain and share this with every woman out there, and make sure that they know because relationships can be so much more fun, they can be so much more fulfilling, and they can be so much more, you know, really beautiful relationships, if you are able to lean into that energy that’s within you.
Cristina Francy 1:51
Yeah, it’s so important because energy attracts energy. And if we have the tools in the power to harness especially that feminine energy as women, I think that like for the success of you attracting, like a more fulfilling partner in our lives. So I think first thing is how do you step into the feminine energy with ease? And how do you actually stay living within that?
Lylian Toscano 2:21
Yes, so I find that a lot of us women, we are out there doing like the world, society is all very masculine energy. So it’s really hard for us sometimes to switch, right. So it’s like, you know, taking a hat and putting on the new one. And switching the hats knowing and being intentional, I think that’s one thing that we need, need to understand that this is, it does come naturally, but in the beginning is going to have to be very intentional for you to lean into that energy. Because it’s not what we’re used to, we have been programmed, and we’re so used to being in our masculine energy, that there has to be some it feels unnatural. I always find that in the beginning when my clients start working with me, they share with me how either uncomfortable they are or how awkward they feel to be in this energy. And it doesn’t feel so natural to them. But as they progress, and as they feel through, they start feeling that it comes more natural, they feel more fulfilled, they feel happier. And they start realizing like the changes that it happen not only in their relationship, but also work and with other people or the relationships that they have. So it’s, I feel it’s a process that takes place, it’s not something that you’re just going to do it once.
Cristina Francy 3:45
You practice you continue and do it. So what’s like one daily practice someone can do today to try to harness and switch the hat from the masculine and put that feminine energy on and wear it with confidence?
Lylian Toscano 4:01
Yes, so I would say like, one of the biggest things that I find in that it’s really challenging for women is that they’re always on the go, they have a huge to do list and they’re always on the go. So a very beautiful feminine trait that you can practice right now that will be a little challenging, but it can be very easy to just put in a little bit, it’s to slow down, slow down. While you’re, you know, getting maybe making your meal or having your cup of coffee, even a conversation you can slow down the conversation and feel like you put yourself like be very present, right? Be very present in that moment and see how that feels. And I find that it can be very challenging, but when you’re very intentional with it, you it’s much easier and just slowing down allows you to connect, you know you connect not only with People but with everything around you with nature, right? So you can go for a walk, and instead of putting on your airpods or whatever, you you’re walking fast, maybe slow down, right? And really notice what’s around you.
Cristina Francy 5:15
Yeah, no, that is a really big thing, because I noticed, you know, like, through my transformative times, like, I left my cell phone at home, and I did a walk and just really noticed more things around me and like my mind, like expanding and thinking, and like, I felt calmer. And I think it is really important to get rid of the technology, because it can be really cloudy. And I think even be cloudy. Even when you’re wearing your masculine hat, you know, we get super distracted. So I think that one of the key things is like anytime we’re trying to slow down, are going for that walk and leave the technology at home. And really keep your mind open and expanding. It’s like the simplest, and the free thing that we can do for ourselves,
Lylian Toscano 6:01
Yes, and very powerful. As soon as you connect with nature, as soon as you connect with others, as soon as you connect with the present with what’s going on around you, you’re going to naturally feel more connected with them, you’re going to really feel that love, I feel like so much love towards everything around me. When there is no technology when there is no distraction, or no, I’m not thinking of my to-do list, you know, how many of us have a conversation with someone and the first thing that you know what’s going on in their minds, it’s like, what’s going to happen later, or, like going to respond to this? Or how we’re always thinking we’re always in our mind. So that’s the masculine, right, is the thinking the doer? The one that strategizes right. And so, the feminine is the opposite of the being the feeling, that just witnessing, and allowing, and seeing how that feels. Right?
Cristina Francy 6:59
So like, the masculine energy is just more of like the thinker and the doer. And feminine energy is more of like flowing in the present soft and gentle. Is that how you explain it? Like what the two energies look like? And what how they should like to feel differently when you wear them?
Lylian Toscano 7:18
Yeah, they’re I find that there’s a lot of confusion around feminine energy.
Cristina Francy 7:21
Yeah because what is feminine energy? Like? Someone who’s kind of like, what does even that mean?
Lylian Toscano 7:29
Yeah, so feminine energy feels very confusing, because you can’t see it with the, you can’t touch it. Right? So what feminine energy is, is really, it’s the feeling, it’s felt, it’s not something that you see, it’s not something that you touch. And I feel like it’s a very spiritual journey. Right? It’s very spiritual, it’s a connection with yourself with your inner being. And this is why it’s so hard for our minds to comprehend because it’s not for our minds to comprehend is really for us to feel it. And so the parts of us that are very feminine, or the playful parts, right, the ones that are present, the ones that are soft, the warmth, and all of those things that I’m saying it is not something that you actually can like, touch right?
Cristina Francy 8:17
It’s not like, with nurturing isn’t a touch, it’s like a feeling or is that or is that nurturing a touch? Like because you do touch when you nurture? I don’t know. Sorry, I’m maybe I’m looking too far into that.
Lylian Toscano 8:32
Yeah, it nurturing can be, you know, I find that we mistake and we mistake mothering with nurturing, okay? Okay, so there’s two different things like you mother, your child, you do not Mother, your husband or your partner, right? You want to, I don’t like saying nurturing because I find that whenever I say you know, you want to nurture your, you want to inspire your men, you want to connect with your men, you want him to feel devoted to you, you want different things from your mind and what you would want with your child. So I would stay away from the nurturing part.
Cristina Francy 9:11
Yeah, okay. I was motherhood, I wasn’t thinking about what I was just thinking about a nurturing is like, more of like, a feminine trait than, like a masculine trait, you know, like, but yeah, you don’t want to nurture your man you want of course, yeah. You don’t want more children in the house to take care of? Exactly. How do you get what you want from a man then without complaining or explaining and having that control? Because it’s like if he’s supposed to do what he’s supposed to do, and he’s just like dropping the ball, but then you don’t want to come across as complaining. How can you do that? Like, what’s a way to navigate without being a complainer?
Lylian Toscano 9:59
So that’s yeah, that’s something that we all do, right? We want to play and complain, criticize the antidote to that or the thing that you want to focus on instead of the things that he’s not doing focus on the things that he is doing. Okay, one second thing you want to do is you want to appreciate your men. Okay. And this can be really challenging for us women, because we’re like, what, but he’s not doing the work that he’s supposed to be doing.
Cristina Francy 10:26
Yeah Well
Lylian Toscano 10:31
Yeah,
Cristina Francy 10:31
Yes, off man.
Lylian Toscano 10:33
Yes, absolutely. So it’s appreciating the things that he does do for you. So like, my husband rate, he, the things that he does, for me, I’m always very grateful, I tried to let him know, verbally, that I really, thank you for doing this. Thank you for doing that. And then, by doing that, he feels more inspired to do the other stuff that he may not be too crazy about doing right, like putting up my, my frames or, or fixing the closet or doing things like that, right? So appreciation does go a long way. Right? And, and there are certain things that we also have to accept about our man that he may not be that type of man. Right? So accepting Him for who He is. I think that will make you feel way happier and more fulfilled, and you got to know. Exactly, and this is why it’s so important when you are dating to open up your eyes and really observe and see who this man is. So you make the best decision for yourself, right? Is this the right partner? For me? Yeah, right?
Cristina Francy 11:48
Well, what slowly can attract the right partner with our feminine energy? Like, how can we, what’s something that we can do to like, be a little bit more aware of who we’re attracting? And like signals of red flags and things like that?
Lylian Toscano 12:04
Yeah, so a lot of us are trying to figure it out out there, right, what the signal was there? Yeah, it was the answer. But really, the answer lies within you. You have to be like really in tune with yourself with your body, and how it feels to you. Right? So knowing, yourself, knowing your values, knowing what your you know, your relationship values are, knowing what your non-negotiables are, right? All of those things are going to help you navigate that dating journey, and see whether this man is in alignment with what you want. But the answer lies within yourself. Because I can be like the I will not tolerate that. Or I am I accept that of this man. But you may be someone who would be like, No, I don’t like that. I don’t want that in my relationship. We’re all different, right? So we have to be, we have to know what’s right for us and what doesn’t feel good. Yeah, your body’s telling you.
Cristina Francy 13:01
Yeah exactly. That’s a good way to look at it. Like, what is your body saying? 100%. So, Lylian I have four questions, I asked all my guests. I can’t wait to know hear your answers. So the first one is who and what inspires you?
Lylian Toscano 13:15
Yeah, so I was thinking about this one, though. Like, who inspires me there’s so many people and inspire me. And I guess one of the biggest person out there that inspires me, is Oprah. Like, I’ve seen her journey, and what she has gone through. And what she has been able to accomplish in her life is just incredible. So I definitely look up to her as to you know, what she has done with herself with her life. And how much love she has for people. Yeah, it’s really incredible.
Cristina Francy 13:54
Yeah, she had she does have an incredible inspiring stories and always, out there doing good for the people and stuff. She does have a big heart. And then my second question to you is, what is something you wish you knew when you were younger?
Lylian Toscano 14:12
Yes, that is something that let me think. I feel that because we try to be someone that we’re not. And I wish my younger self knew that she could just be herself and that the world would accept her. And the people that were meant for her we’re going to come to her and love her for who she is, rather than pretending or trying to be someone that she’s not.
Cristina Francy 14:41
Exactly That’s great advice. That’s something I wished to when I was younger. Totally, but my third question is what’s the essential part of your daily routine?
Lylian Toscano 14:54
One of the things that I do that I love doing is meditation, definitely meditation. It’s really connecting with myself. And I do that even throughout the day, like not just the morning, I do that in the morning. But there’s times when I get to connect with myself, it could be a very, very short meditation where I just feel my body. What am I feeling in that moment?
Cristina Francy 15:16
Yeah And then my last question is the best advice you’ve ever received.
Lylian Toscano 15:22
Oh, the best advice. I’ve got so much. Everywhere, there’s so many great, but you know, the biggest ones that I feel like are the bigger ones that I feel like I really connected to is just listen to yourself, like really? Tune in into your inner wisdom, your higher self. I really listen to that. I think once you do that, everything else in life, which is play out, right, and not having to worry about how like the outcomes or the results or, or anything else is just like, tuning into that and allowing things to just unfold.
Cristina Francy 16:02
Yeah, trusting the universe.
Lylian Toscano 16:05
Trusting the universe. Exactly. Yeah.
Cristina Francy 16:07
Well, Lylian, thank you so much for coming on the show. Is there anything that you would like to say before we say goodbye today?
Lylian Toscano 16:07
Yeah, I just want to say that, you know, thank you so much for having me here. And it’s been incredible, a beautiful conversation, in terms of like, feminine energy. And I want your listeners to know that there is an easier path than what you know, we have been taught and what we’re, you know, experiencing at this moment in dating and relationships. And it doesn’t have to be that hard and it can be actually a lot of fun.
Cristina Francy 16:44
Well, thank you so much for coming on this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s podcast”. All of Lylian’s links are down below in the show notes. Don’t be shy. Go say hi. And I hope to see you all in the next one. Thank you.