CRISTINA ROSE 0:10
Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. And today, join us in an insightful conversation with Donna, a certified life coach and expert in guiding divorce women towards a life filled with love, happiness and competence. With over 14 years of experience, Donna empowers women moms to break free from the past and embark on a transformative journey towards a brighter future. Donna, thank you so much for coming on the podcast today. I can’t wait to dive into the topic because you know, I am somewhat newly divorced. And I know that it is a big emotional shift and change in mothers. And my first question to you is how can divorce women effectively deal with the emotional challenges and complexities that arise after getting divorced, you know, especially with children?
DONNA McGOFF 1:06
Well, it’s such a, when you suffer such a trauma such as that, you have all these conflicted feelings. And it’s very difficult to keep control over your emotions, and to make right choices and decisions sometimes, because those get in the way. So what I have discovered that is really important is when you be struggle with whatever it is that you’re dealing with at the time to do three things, change your focus, change your thinking, and change your attitude. Those are the three strategies that I incorporate in the process that I you know, teach when through my program. First, we have to do that because you need to get in a good frame of mind and begin to have control over your emotions and feelings.
CRISTINA ROSE 2:05
And sometimes that can be the hardest thing to do is controlling emotions and feelings just in any sector of your life. Hey, they’re amazing listeners. Are you feeling stuck or in pain after divorce, longing for a more purposeful life? Well, Donna McGoff empowering courses are your ticket to breaking free from the past and creating a life you love. The time to transform is now first course is rise up after divorce, recovery, reconnect, reinvent, it takes you from where you are stuck to your personal transformation. Along with transforming your life you get 75% off on this full process course. And this is a limited time offer so you will not want to miss this. It includes all courses into one holistic approach and for those who are seeking a more tailored approach, and a smaller investment Donna has broken down the courses into separate modules, creating a total of five courses course one, the road through recovery, uncover where you’re stuck and create a personalized plan for moving forward, of course to is reconnecting with self. In this course, you will learn how to create harmony and balance along among the four pillars of the wellbeing so that you create healthy habits, boundaries, and a relationship going forward and discover where you are now and design a personal life timeline for a bird’s eye view of your past course three is reinventing itself. Reconnect with your strengths and passions and finding your sweet spot for the joy and happiness in life. Of course for is relaunching yourself. Be the creator of your future by strategically improving key areas of your life. Don’t miss out on her valuable freebie and insight ebook to kickstart your transformative journey. Download your free ebook now the link is in the description. Start now. Get a discount of 75% off on your first full process course. Be ready for positive change. Check out the description. Take the advantage Enroll today and seize the opportunity to break up from with the past and start with a fresh chapter together. And I think we’re always constantly learning how to do that and it’s never going to end. You know, and in your experience like what are the common misconceptions or myths about you know, life after divorce and how can women overcome them?
DONNA McGOFF 4:35
I think a lot of women just feel like okay, I’m divorced now and this is my life and they just settle for what is instead of accessing their inner power and realizing that they can create their new life. Maybe this is the result you have now, but what are some steps that you can take to begin to change that and override those conflicted feelings. And you know, the low feelings and sometimes depression that you have by saying, Okay, I’m going to create a vision for myself. This is my vision, and I’m going to hold it in my imagination. And I’m going to keep it there. And I’m going to begin to come from that vision, instead of thinking about all the negative thoughts all the time, because they crop up all the time. Instead of that, focus on the vision and what you can do now to begin to change your reality, because you can do that. But it takes work. And it’s not easy to do, because that was my experience. I’ve been divorced for many, many years. But I groveled around for a really long time within it, blaming all outside circumstances, this and that, and all this is why for me, and then one day, I realized, you know what, I’m responsible for him right now. Yeah, I’ve got to do something myself, taking responsibility is really the first step, you know, to move forward to begin, but a lot of women don’t know where to begin. And that’s, you know, that’s what I helped them to work on.
CRISTINA ROSE 6:20
And I think it’s one of the things that you said, that was really important is like your mind shift and your attitude towards it. Because once you shift that attitude, and that mind shift, because I know, for me, like, I was wallowing in the sorrow a bit, you know, it was, it was sad, and like, the, how the custody was gonna be with the kids and things like that, and the absence of what he wanted to be, you know, with them, and, you know, what hurts inside, but it’s like, you know, what, I’m going to empower myself, and I’m going to do it, and like, what resources do I have now, to create that life that I want, and it’s like, small building blocks, you know, and you have to keep that vision of who you want to be and how you want your life to turn out. And, you know, it could turn out better than what you ever thought it would be. And exactly, we were kind of talking earlier, like, you know, we both the tennis players, you know, going out there playing tennis, be involved. Find your core group of people, you know, like mindedness to kind of help you and with your resources and your friendships, and it’s really important to kind of just go out there and try to be your, your best self and know that no matter where you are in life, like you’re not going to always stay there.
DONNA McGOFF 7:35
Exactly right. And I would say that, when you look at your situation, change the focus of it, instead of focusing on what is bad about it. Focus on what is the lesson I can learn from this situation. And so when the self talk starts coming in there and all the negativity, you can I push that out of the way. And put this is the lesson I learned. Because when you are focused on the problem, in that same level of vibration, you’re not going to find a solution. And also changing your thinking, you know, what is the good in this situation? Can I give you an example? Of course, okay, there was a woman that was divorced, there was divorce for a while, and she faced the downsizing dilemma. So many women that I’ve worked with face that. And so she was really she was very low about it and had all these negative thoughts. So I don’t know what to do, and how am I going to do this? And am I going to get in a good neighborhood for my children and all these things? And what I had her do was switch her thinking and look at what is the good about downsizing? And she said, what am I going to, you know, how can that be good, you know, I’m so used to this wonderful lifestyle and all these different things. But that is no longer her life. She is different after her divorce, you know, and she needs to deal with that. So once you get going listing the positives about downsizing or any situation that you have, there are because if there’s enough, there’s a down is in isn’t out, because otherwise it can’t be It can’t be because you just the polarity. So there is good and when you can list that good, those good things, and then think about those in your mind push the other out and think about those, you begin to open your mind to possibilities and opportunities that you might have otherwise missed because your mind is closed. When you do that you open your heart and you begin to see that yes, there is a possibility. There are some opportunities. And then from an example, she had a co worker that knew a great realtor that would took her friend step by step through the process. So that’s, you know, that’s a good thing. That’s something she can hang on to and focus on.
CRISTINA ROSE 10:10
That’s funny. It’s very similar to me, because I had to downsize myself. And I was like, Well, what can I do now? You know, and I just recently, you know, got my real estate license here in Nevada, and just really, you know, I had my real estate license in California, and I just did my research and, you know, to figure out how I can make this possible for me. So, it’s kind of interesting that you say that, because there are so many things that we can do you know, to uplevel ourselves after downsizing? Yes, it’s gonna take time, but I love I love that story. Because I feel like I kind of relate to that, you know, we’re gonna be quite real estate stuff right now.
DONNA McGOFF 10:50
See, so you made the step forward, you know, you are getting out there. And like you said earlier, you’re doing the things you’re making things happen. Yes, there’s all those feelings. And yes, they are there. But what can you do right now with what you have to move yourself forward, and it sounds wild, you have and the listeners out there, just to know that you and I both have done those things, and not putting in its hard work and putting in the work, it really does pay off and lifts the self esteem, because our self esteem, whether we initiate the divorce, or the other person initiated it, we our self esteem has taken a big hit Oh, man, what, because is very traumatic. For me, my husband cheated on me. And it was devastating for me, because I was like the last person to know. So that’s why I was for a long time for me and all my goodness, and, you know, and all that sort of thing. So and I also too, had to downsize with two children. So It wasn’t an easy thing to do. But anybody can do it, where they are no matter what they have. And in order to get into that mindset, you have to think about, well, what am I grateful for right now. And we all have things to be grateful for, even if our lifestyle is not what we would like it to be, or where we are is not what we’d like it to be. Be grateful for what you have, because that lifts the vibration up and puts you in a better attitude. Like I said, you know, the focus, the perspective, the thinking and the attitude.
CRISTINA ROSE 12:36
100% Yeah, that’s great. The creativity, like, you know, what I mean, it’s like opening up your mind to, like, you know, what your new adventure can be and stuff, it really is very powerful. And I like that mean, you can both, you know, contest to that and, you know, yes, advocate, like it’s true, you can do it, you know, and so can you share some practical tips for moms to cultivate that self love and competence as they embark on their new, you know, Journey post divorce.
DONNA McGOFF 13:08
Okay, so I’ll give you an example of one of my one of my clients, when she got divorced, she had a very, very difficult time losing weight. And she gained a lot of weight as a result of her having to go through this trauma because she used food as a comfort. And so what she what I told her to do is, and it’s very important to do this, you can’t just you know, when the yo yo depth is this yo yo dieting, which all of us have been through. And that’s what continues to happen. When you don’t take the time and imagine yourself how you want to be how you want to look in your mind. And then you have to hold it the A C we have, the six intellectual faculties imagination will reason perception, memory and intuition. And successful people use them all the time. But people that are just ordinary, don’t use that. And it’s very, it’s very important to use these at a higher level, because that’s what successful people all do. So if you want to lose weight, you know, after your divorce or, or anything you want to become or build, or have, you have to put it in your imagination, and you have to hold it there. And you have to sort of come from it. Not Oh, I’m going to find it out here. You’re not going the tip would be you’re not going to find your solutions out there. Because you have the answers with thin you. So this person I told her you’ve got to imagine yourself as a thin person as you begin to do that. And you see yourself as that person. Well, what do you know? You begin thinking like that person and you start making choices like that person. So that would be that would be one tip.
CRISTINA ROSE 15:08
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DONNA McGOFF 16:33
Yes, sure. They’re, most of the time, when you find that you’re stuck after divorce, it’s because there’s the divorce recovery cycle has five phases to it. And within those five phases, you might be stuck like this denial, there’s, and that’s rejecting the idea that your divorce your this is your reality now. So I have five phases that they need to decide where they’re stuck, because they’re stuck somewhere, they might say, Oh, I’m not stuck, but you are if you’re not beginning to change your life. Yeah. So that’s the first step. And then when you find out where you’re stuck, then you can take some action steps for that. And that’s the first two phases, the third phase is reconnecting with self. Who are you now. And what you need to do with that is you want to align your mind body and spirit. And very important is self care. taking care of yourself, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and intellectually, and getting some kind of harmony and balance within that. And I work with women on that, because there is, you know, after this has happened, it’s such a traumatic event that, you know, need some regrouping here. Yeah, and then reinvent itself, which is a really cool part. Some women are happy where they are, and what they’re doing, you know, their career or where they are in the life within, they may, they may be doing volunteer work, or they may be a teacher, and they want to be a life coach, or they, whatever it is reinventing self, and we go through a process to, to figure out what is your sweet spot, you know, you take your strengths, your values, and your passions, and we weave them together and figure out what is, you know, what would you be really passionate about, you know, and yeah, and maybe begin to work toward that, you know, sometimes you have to do what you have to do to get that money going and to, you know, take care of your children. But after a while, on the side, there’s always time, if you know how to budget your time correctly, to begin to work toward that end. Yeah. And then, and then there’s relaunching self, which is, is I use the eight areas of life, and we figure out what area of your life would you really like to work on, that will really push out the other areas of your life and create more harmony and balance in that way as well. So it’s like a whole thing. You know, it’s like a one part that I really like in the reconnecting with Sal, is we create a timeline of different cities, situations that you’ve had in your life, positive and negative. And when you put that out, because we don’t go backwards, we’re always moving forward. Because the past is gone. Yes, it’s affected us. But we want to focus on our vision for the future and override what has gone on before so that we can create a better life for ourselves. So having a timeline is the only time we look in the past and look for patterns and situations. Can I give you an example Oh, of course. Okay. So this one woman I work with, she kept on after her divorce, she kept on attracting emotionally unavailable men all the time. And she figured, oh, it’s just my luck. This is the way it is, you know, across my forehead, all jerks can come here. But that wasn’t the thing. She attracted emotionally unavailable men. And she and this timeline we use show the pattern of it, which she didn’t discover before her father was emotionally unavailable. She grew up like that without having that love and connection. And that was what she was comfortable with. And she didn’t realize that it was, it’s not the outside. Like I said before, it’s the inside. So once you just, you know, once she sees that pattern, then she can begin to go forward. You know, I love that.
CRISTINA ROSE 20:57
Well, Donna, it is time for the power mom Chronicles. And I cannot wait to know what your answers are to the questions. And my first one is what’s a game changing lesson life has taught you.
DONNA McGOFF 21:08
A game changing lesson is to believe in yourself and realize that you have the power within to be do or have what you want in your life, you can create your life, most people just let it go, just let it happen to them. But you can create your life, you just have to access the power within and believe in yourself.
CRISTINA ROSE 21:30
Love it, and my second question is reflecting on your journey, what practical lessons or insights can our listeners apply to improve their own lives?
DONNA McGOFF 21:40
It’s really the same thing. It’s learning to look at you’re like I said earlier learning to look at your situation from another point of view. Because when you come at it from another point of view, that’s when you can begin to look for opportunities and possibilities to find a solution to whatever it is that is holding you down or holding you back.
CRISTINA ROSE 22:03
And then my third question to you is offer a piece of wisdom for moms striving to find their strength and voice.
DONNA McGOFF 22:12
The power comes from within and what I would say is learning to study some of the works from the 19th century. That’s where I began because I knew that the power of the mind, I’ve been studying the science of the mind for many years. And I think reading some of those, like working with the law, by Raman Hollowell is a really good book because the law, the world is adherence to laws. And I know this may seem like woo woo. But it’s really true that when you begin to realize that you have this power within you everything can change. You know if you can think it here, you can have it here.
CRISTINA ROSE 23:04
Yeah, it is very powerful and true.
DONNA McGOFF 23:07
Yes. So I think that, you know, some self-improvement books along that line, and then using those tips and tools within them as well. That’s what started me because I didn’t know anything about any of this stuff. And now Whoa, I could talk all day.
CRISTINA ROSE 23:26
And then my last question to you is the best advice you’ve ever received.
DONNA McGOFF 23:32
Believe in yourself, and you have the power within you. It’s not out there, you know? And do you have the distractions and the different focuses and people and all this stuff out there? It’s not there. The answers come from within here. And that’s what I’ve learned to rely on. And it’s taken me places I could never imagine. Yeah, you know, in all areas of my life.
CRISTINA ROSE 24:01
I love it. Well, Donna, thank you for coming on this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. All of her links are down below in the show notes and don’t be shy. Go say hi. And also check out her book, recover and heal from the inside out after divorce. Thank you so much for coming on this week’s episode and I hope to see you all next week. Mommas
DONNA McGOFF 24:23
Bye bye.