Cristina Francy 0:06
Hey friends, welcome to this week’s episode of “Not Your Momma’s Podcast”. The title of this episode is “life after birth, a parent’s holistic guide for thriving in the fourth trimester”. And I’m so excited. We have “Diane Speier” on to talk about her book, ‘Life after birth’. And she practices “psychotherapy and hypnotherapy”. She specializes in perinatal psychology, prenatal mood, anxiety disorders, and removing birth trauma. And I’m so excited to dive in through the topic today. So Diane, you get the audience a little bit more about your background, and kind of how you got to where you are today.
Diane S. Speier 0:46
Well, thank you for inviting me to have a chat with you. And I’m very delighted to be able to spread the word that I think is so important about what happens after the baby’s born. It’s not a subject that gets much attention and never has. But we have so much information about pregnancy, there’s so much information about childbirth. And we have I mean, bookstores full of things about parenting, and very few books really focused on that timeframe that first three months after baby’s born, and how chaotic it can be and how challenging it can be, as well as jubilant and wonderful as well. And the book that I wrote, really put an emphasis on the mother. Because one of the things that happens in my experience of working with parents for now over 40 years, is that once the baby’s born, the mother kind of fades into the background and all of the eyes turn onto the baby. And let’s look at the baby, let’s play with the baby, let’s hold the baby. And it’s almost like all that effort that you put into bringing this child into onto the earth plane is just forgotten. And it’s really stark, because for those nine months that she was pregnant, she was celebrated. She was just pampered she was really taken care of and looked after. And then like they say chopped liver. So I felt that that wasn’t right, I felt that we really do need to provide the kind of information and the kind of resources that help a mother go through that transition, there are so many changes that are going on my background was in psychology, so I was always curious about the adjustment that mothers were making. And that’s how I started a Postpartum Support Group, back in 1978-1979, something like that. Um, and that grew into a mother and baby exercise class because I found that mothers, they were mostly concerned with getting back in shape, and having meaningful ways of interacting with the babies. And I also taught baby massage, but it wasn’t something we do every class. And so many groups were formed from these mothers coming together and these classes that sometimes went on for 10 years or more. And the app digital doula was born in 2013, which has now been upgraded and changed and is an actual companion now.
Cristina Francy 3:24
When I had my son, my son called the first one, it knocked me off my feet. I mean, I remember I was like, going to leave the house, I would cry every time I leave the house like I had a lot of hormone balance changes and things like that. But one thing that really stuck out to me what you said about the community and you created a group, I signed up for a new moms school at the time. And I felt like it really helped me as well like, relate to other women that were in the same stage of life as me and it is really important to surround yourself with like-minded people, things that are going through the same situation. And I still to this day, have friends from that group, over four years later, and you never know what the friendships are going to come out and like the kids are goanna, become friends to when they’re older. And it really is important. And it is crazy how in the United States there’s such a contrast between the United States and let’s just say like, South Korea, for instance, I was watching, I was following this woman on YouTube and she was having twins. And after she had her twins, she went from like the hospital to basically, like a postpartum area where they help you with the baby. They teach you things about the baby, they give you food and she’s there for like, I don’t know, like a month or so. And there’s really just like hands on help from the government itself, to make sure that the Mother is also thriving. So it’s basically like a fourth trimester sanctuary. And so crazy how here in the United States, it’s like, okay, have the baby by, you know, I’ll see you in six weeks, I’ll give you the go-ahead for intercourse. And then I won’t see you until a year, but you have your Pap smear. And it’s crazy the contrast and they and also in South Korea, I believe they like pay you to have kids, because the it is popular right now.
Diane S. Speier 5:32
Right now they are because the population is declining, and the number of babies that people are having is not enough to replace the population. So that wouldn’t surprise me. But it might also be consistent with that there are these traditions in other countries, as diverse as the loss of Asian, Japan has a South Korea where they really nurture them other China has something like that, to some extent, then you go to other places in the world that are hating me right now. But it’s called doing the 40 days. And that’s 40 days, which is roughly six weeks after baby is born. And the purpose of that is, especially in like Central Asia, Mexico, Mexico, these places. And they have special foods that usually they have special temperature foods that you study. But the idea is, Oh, and one of the best places is the Netherlands. Some years ago, they have it, it’s in my app. I don’t know, exactly, not remembering the name. But there’s a role for somebody who has a sort of background and in nursing, she comes into the house for roughly about a month or so, and does all the scut work, make sure that nobody needs to deal with that helps the mother with the baby teaches the mother what she needs to know. And it’s, embedded into the actual structure of maternity care. it doesn’t finish at the end of the birth. And I had a woman who was Dutch, who came to my classes again, and was like back in the 1980s when I was in New York. And she asked me, where would she find this person. And I had to explain that that kind of role does not really exist in the United States, the closest thing you can get to that as a postpartum doula who will come in and do that, but not even the with the regularity of that person who comes in to help the Dutch mother make the transition. And I think it’s just, you know, I am American, and I will be going back to the States next year. But to live, but the thing is that family values is more of a not a reality in terms of there isn’t viewing, maternity leave. There aren’t, you know, paid maternity leave, let’s put it that way. And childcare situation is pretty rough. There are so many things that really make it difficult to parents. And so it’s lip service is not real. And if you did have that awareness of how important it is, then more energy would be invested in the next generation and the person who’s bringing up the next generation. So it is sad. But you’re right. You know, there are these places around the world. Here in Europe, they’re in Asia, they’re in Central America, where they are, where there is a role for someone to mother, And I think that’s something of his knee. Because everybody when they get into that stage of the fourth trimester is vulnerable. It’s obviously honorable, the partners feeling vulnerable, the baby is new on the planet. I mean, all of them and they will have these needs. And at some point, they sometimes just conflict with each other.
Cristina Francy 9:15
Yeah, we definitely need help in the fourth trimester, we’re struggling here in America, you would think that we would have it down have the best service ever, but we don’t you know, it’s only for the people that can afford. It’s kind of like, you know, the rich, quote, unquote, be able to have the doulas come in and give that extra pampered care. And it’s great that you have a space for anyone to be able to join in and participate and learn and have that support system that they need. So like it is for, just like your average mom and stuff, right?
Diane S. Speier 9:56
Yeah, Because they can do things for themselves. This is one of the ways Here’s why I incorporated energy medicine into it because there’s things that you can do for yourself. You don’t have to go to somebody else to do it for to you or for you, but you can do these things. And they’re simple, basic things that make a whole lot of difference.
Cristina Francy 10:13
Empower, be able to tool.
Diane S. Speier 10:16
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yes. Those other tools.
Cristina Francy 10:20
This was such a fruitful conversation. I enjoyed it. And I hope that the audience did as well and they are able to see and use your tools that you have, all of her links are down below in the show notes. So don’t be shy. Go say hi. But before we go I have four questions. I ask all my guests and I would love to hear your answers. And my first one is who and what inspires you?
Diane S. Speier 10:49
inspires me now I can I say that in the past tense. When you ask? I think that it’s a funny thing you might be surprised to hear but one of the people that inspires me is Jane Fonda.
Cristina Francy 11:00
Oh,
Diane S. Speier 11:01
Jane Fonda is a person who has been very successful in reinventing herself over the years, you know, so actually went to Jane Fonda’s Workout when it first came out in the late 70s. Like 79, I think it was. And then she had her activism, and then she had, and now she’s back into activism. And I think that she’s grown and matured as a person in a way that she inspires me still. But she also inspired me way long time ago, just to be able to see how someone who doesn’t necessarily need to do and care about the planet, and justice the way that she does. Yeah. So Jane Fonda would be one of those people.
Cristina Francy 11:59
I like that answer. She really is. She’s very, like innovative and not afraid to, you know, more than change herself to what she feels in the moment of how she wants to be. So I think that’s a great answer. My second question to you is, what is something you wish you knew when you were younger?
Diane S. Speier 12:23
Hmm, I wished I knew when I was younger, I would feel as strongly dedicated to my mission in my 70s, as I was in my 30s and 40s. So I wish I knew that because maybe I would have played it a little differently.
Cristina Francy 12:49
Wouldn’t be all right.
Diane S. Speier 12:50
But I’m so really surprised. I mean, I think there was a period in my 60s where I was sort of going like this, but now you know, I’m energized. When I my book was relaunched last October, it sorts of raised the energy for me, and I was surprised to see how energetic I felt. So I’m assigned to them, but I know.
Cristina Francy 13:17
Yeah well, it’s because you have a lot of passion. And you can feel the passion about this topic, which is great. We need passionate people like you to lead the way. So my third question is, what’s the essential part of your daily routine?
Diane S. Speier 13:33
The essential part of my daily routine is my morning meditation. I do, it has three different parts to it. So, the first is just to meditate for half an hour. And then I sort of I call it sort of communing with my soul. And then I write with my non-dominant hand.
Cristina Francy 13:54
So, I’m curious. So why the non-dominant hand what is that have to do?
Diane S. Speier 13:58
As a Hypnotherapist? When we were training, we were taught that if you, write with your non dominant hand, it speaks your emotions, it speaks your subconscious mind. And that, my regular writing hand would just be my rational, logical mind. But the left hand will speak to the emotional body and some of the emotional and then I think, in my case, it also sort of brings my soul, sort of integrate, so personality together. So that’s how I got into it.
Cristina Francy 14:31
No, that’s really interesting. I want to try that. Yeah. Because it makes sense. Because when you write with your right hand, you are like, thinking with your mind more, and you could see, or I could feel kind of like just the difference like the I don’t know, I just kind of sense it. So that’s, that’s good. That’s a good little thing. Thank you so much for that. And then my last question to you is the best advice you’ve ever received.
Diane S. Speier 15:00
The best advice I’ve ever seen. Hmm. I think it was the midwife who I had lunch with her after my second son was born. She was born in in the in the first birth center open in in the states in New York. And it turns out she was a British midwife. And I only saw her on the very first day of orientation. And at the end, when I was actually in labor, and at lunch, when we were having lunch, she was, however, a month old or something. She told me about this teacher training workshop that was going on for childbirth educators. And I looked into it, and I went to the training, and then I went to the county. I lived in California for a few years. So did Bradley method training as well. And I’d say that advice was what pushed me onto this onto this pathway.
Cristina Francy 16:06
Awesome Well, Diane, thank you so much for coming on this week’s episode of Not Your Momma’s Podcast. I hope you guys enjoyed this fruitful conversation and I hope to see you guys all in the next one. And again, all of Diane’s links are down below in the show notes. Like I said, don’t be shy. Go say hi, check out her book. If you’re expecting a baby. I would highly recommend checking her out because we all do need community and the fourth trimester is real. Okay, guys, thank you so much for listening. Talk to you guys soon.
Diane S. Speier 16:38
Thank you!